Thonia's Thought

Undefined Friendships X Orange Dress

Hello Darlings… Happy new month!!! God is so good and I really don’t know what I’ll  do without him. How has your week been? My week has been going on well and oh well I can’t wait for the weekend Lol.


I’m so excited that I’m doing another post on Thonia’s Thought and if you’re a new reader/ Visitor on my blog (Yaaay welcome) Thonia’s thought is basically me sharing  thoughts on what  I’m feeling, what I’m probably going through at that moment. It’s the very personal aspect of me and like I said when I started, I’m not going to hold back anything because I love you guys too much to do that.

So undefined friendships especially with the opposite sex has been a thing almost all of us have gone through at one point or the other. You meet someone, get very close to the person and you find out you two are acting like couples ( Well not necessarily doing everything couples do), But you are checking  on  eachother everyday, texting, sending eachother cute pictures and videos. An incident happens and you begin to question yourself and the person you have been talking to “What are we”? That’s probably the most annoying question ever.


I won’t deny that I’ve not been in a “What are we” situation and to be very truthful, it’s a question you really don’t want to ask as a woman. Asides from the fact that the man is most likely to answer you with “Oh we are just friends” or “I really like you but I’m not ready for a relationship” You can imagine how you would feel afterwards. You might be strong to just move on like nothing happened, or you can be like me and probably cry that day and Erm delete the person off your social media platforms(Covers face).

I recently got out of the whole  acting like we are dating but we are not in a relationship. He is an amazing person I won’t lie to you and I feel we would have avoided destroying the friendship if we had defined it and probably not acted like couples by being jealous if one talked about the opposite sex or getting  very angry for not replying a chat or text.  The funny thing that happens when you are in an undefined friendship with a man is that you begin to give excuses for him like “maybe his ex made him like this? He likes me but he’s taking his time? ”


I cut out of mine when I realized I was angry he didn’t see me as worthy to be his girlfriend, I was angry at myself and I even started questioning maybe I wasn’t good enough. I think mine didn’t  get too complicated because he is a very busy person and we hardly see, we just chat and talk everyday. I really should mention that you deceive yourself with “I’m going to stop acting like this when I see someone that truly loves me and isn’t going to be scared to tell me”.

It got so complicated that I had to block him on my social media platforms (Childish yea?). I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing anything that makes them happy and that  was the only way I was going to be fine totally, not ever hearing from him.


I actually wanted to write more than this but I just realized that I’m in no place to even start giving advice to people like me who are struggling to get out of  a “what are we” situation. All I know is that no matter how close you and him are and until he officially asks you to be his girlfriend, You are just a girl he talks to. He doesn’t owe you anything for being there for him or for doing things you should be doing with your future husband or boyfriend. So just be yourself and do whatever makes you happy, Your happiness is all that really matters.

I say I’m still struggling because he actually had my email address and sent me a mail and we had the longest conversation and I promised to still be a good friend and I unblocked him and well things have been going on well. I’m trying everyday to remind myself that nothing might ever happen and we would just be good friends. He makes me happy and has been there for me so many times, that’s something  to hold on to.


I’m wearing an orange dress that has been in my wardrobe for three years and I’ve never worn it because I really didn’t know the particular place or event to wear it to. I realized you can actually wear it for a date , hang out with your friends or anywhere you think you’ll be comfortable wearing it .

Thank  you so much for stopping by and I pray the new month brings great things. What are your thoughts on undefined friendships? Do you have any advice to people struggling with one?

I’ll really appreciate your coments in the comment section. Have a great week darlings!

Dress- Gift from mum

Hair- Wig Lola from Nappyhaired

Shoes- Forever 21.

14 thoughts on “Undefined Friendships X Orange Dress

  1. Lol,,,i was in a similar situation when i was in the university. He told me everything and i did too. Just like i always knew his girlfrnds and consoled him after a breakup but i was never his “girlfriend”. Till my parents got involved before i created some distance btw us. We barely talk now but i miss his friendship.


    1. Parents involved ? Wow girl! Mehn that’s the things, they are always amazing friends and so you’ll definitely miss the friendship but abeg I think not hearing from eachother is for the better. Thanks for stopping by darling


  2. Haven’t we all been in the “what are we” situations? It’s not such a fun place when you think about it, sigh. The good thing is that you recognized the situation and did what was necessary for your peace of mind…but ayee shebi i’ve told you , we will marry soon haha.
    This dress is so lovely how can you not have worn it ever since? and this wig is forever here to slay i can’t deal.


  3. Its as if you’re in my head, weird!
    Because I just left the “what are we* guy, it’s very similar to your story just that I stopped talking to him and then recently he called and we started chatting and we had a very weird conversation, he was all about missing me & shii but was not ready for what I wanted, that was enough for me to stop talking to him again.
    Although it hurts not talking to him because he’s like my best friend in the world and has really helped me & vice versa. I know it’s healthy that am not talking to him because talking to him will make me wish for something that will never be .


    1. Wow it’s so similar really. They are always amazing friends by being there for you but okay define what we have, problem. Sigh. See I think actually not talking to him is kind of the best thing really because then you know you’re not expecting anything from anyone


  4. This situation”what are we” isn’t associated only to the female gender,it applies to men as well but the truth is some friends aren’t meant to be dated or get too intimate with because,we get heartbroken when it exceeds the friendship line. Although, we are humans and sometimes can’t get hold of our emotions towards such person but keeping such relationship mutual is the best though difficult or redefining it with him/her.cute outfit!


    1. Awww I’m so glad I got another feedback from a man. Wow so men also find themselves in the what are we situation. I agree with you, some friends are meant to just be friends and nothing more but oh well the heart knows what it wants shaa. Thank so much Niyi for stopping by


  5. I think it’s important when you start getting close to someone, to have those conversations before it gets and deeper, and ensure you are both on the same page. “Are we just friends”, “Are we getting to know each other with the hope of something happening?” It might be awkwards but it’s often the better way out. Don’t feel less of yourself, you’ll be fine!

    And that’s such a pretty dress. to think you’ve had it for three years and now the off shoulder trend is everywhere! || Follow me on Bloglovin’!
    August Recap, Hopes for September


  6. I have been in this situation so many times that I became savage LOL. Like I would literally be the one to cut that bond before you do it to me, I would enjoy it while it lasts and before it gets out of hand, I’m out of there. The funny thing is that I was in that situation last year with my present boyfriend and after we fought and had all the drama that time, we went back to being friends then he came back to me this year LOL. So I think one advice I’d drop from experience is that yeah it would hurt but you need get out fast and then find distractions not in other people but in activities and maybe your female friends, love would eventually find you but nobody should stay in a toxic relationship because of companionship. Sigh, that was long LOL. BTW darling love the dress.


    1. Awww, wait he realized you are worth being his girlfriend and asked you out ? This is sooo cute!!!! Yes I’m actually Involving myself in other activities and it’s being going on fine. Thank you for the sweet words!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. More like he realized he was losing something good & had enough sense to come back 😂😂😂. You’d be alright love n if you need a girls hangout holla holla!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s