Hello darlings…..Happy new month!!I really can’t believe I was away all through the month of October and I really want to apologize for my absence but if you follow me on Instagram (thoniabankz) and snapchat (callmethonia) where I’ve been active, you’ll be updated on what I’ve been up to and what has been happening in my life.
I was tagged by another fashion and lifestyle blogger Lade on the #10Insecuritieschallenge and initially I wasn’t so sure I was going to do it but I later thought to myself that sharing it would help people realize that despite how happy everyone looks, nobody is perfect. We all have a few insecurities that if you realize earlier, You can work on them and make yourself better.
So below are 10 insecurities I’ll be sharing with you.
- My body: This has been one of my greatest insecurities and I can attribute it to the fact that I wasn’t born slim and I think since I was born I was automatically nicknamed “Orobo” I really don’t know how to explain the meaning of orobo to my non Nigerian readers but let’s just say it means “Fat”. So imagine being constantly called fat by family friends and neighbours. Another main event I think that didn’t make me confident about my body was in my primary 4 when the school was preparing for their annual inter house sport and the music teacher was selecting a few people for choreography and I was selected by my class teacher who for one reason or the other had seen me dance before and could vouch I was a good dancer (Yass I got mad dance skills till now) but the music teacher shut her up with “We don’t need fat people, we need slim girls in the group” I remember crying till school was over. My insecurities with my body made me not eat healthy and that resulted to ulcer. I was shocked when in University random boys and girls would walk up to me to ask about what I did to make my body look this way and NYSC was the height of it when I was nicknamed “Nicki Minaj” I mean this was my own natural body that i wasn’t even doing a lot to make it look better. My body is one insecurity I prayed about constantly and I can boldly tell you here that I loveeee my body and how I look. It wasn’t easy really getting to this point but rather than cry when I was called fat, I used their harsh words and negativity to eat healthy, exercise and work on myself.
- Height: I didn’t have any insecurities with my height until I was later tagged “The short fat girl” in secondary school and this made me wish I was taller. I have never consciously taken time to find out my height till today, like I don’t know what my height is exactly but I plan to find out before the end of this year. Friends, Random people helped me overcome this particular insecurity when I was later tagged “The cute girl” (Which isn’t the right way to overcome an insecurity) I say it’s not the right way because what happens if no one then calls you that name that made you feel better?!
- Relationships: My insecurities in relationships can be narrowed to a few questions like “He just wants to have sex with me”, “He’s not attracted to me anymore”, “He’s seeing other women” and I want to say that sometimes this assumptions have helped me get out of relationships that wouldn’t have worked. I also think that insecurities are linked. What I mean is that because I lacked confidence in my body and how I looked, I assumed that every man that showed interest in me was just after my body. I’m currently working on my insecurities in relationships and I think I’m getting better.
- I currently have a huge insecurity passing a group of people especially men and it’s so funny that when I was quite younger I would form an imaginary call so that I would be distracted and not get bothered by what they were saying. I’m still struggling with this because now instead of any imaginary call, I use my ear plugs and increase the volume of the music to the loudest.
- I’m not so confident with the shape of my breasts and how they look. I can never dream of leaving home without bras and I was so shocked and motivated when Slumflower who has similar breasts like mine would confidently go to major events without wearing bras and started a movement tagged “Saggy boobs matter” and it’s basically a movement that was started to encourage every woman to love their boobs regardless of the shape and size.
- I didn’t see myself as beautiful and so when people walk up to me or message me saying I’m beautiful I don’t believe it or I’ll question you to give details or reasons why you think I should be called beautiful. I’m also better in this aspect because without anyone saying it, I know I was beautifully made by God and if you don’t see it you might need to get your eyes checked.
- Intellectual life: I have a B.A in English and Literature and for an unknown reason I hate maths and anything that involves calculations, history, philosophy and the rest. My insecurities with this was when I was preparing for an exam with a group of people and I was asked to solve a particular equation and I couldn’t. I’m not confident when people are discussing issues that involved calculations and the rest but with books and the internet, I get to read books to help in history and the rest and atleast I can participate when certain topics are being discussed in history.
- You will hardly see me wearing a top that is short sleeved. I don’t like showing my arms because I think they are big but I’m thankful for the few owners of stores I have gone to shop at who still convinced me to buy a particular dress or top that was short sleeved and looked great on me.
- I don’t like expressing my feelings even when I really like someone. I’ll rather wait till he expresses how he feels about me then I can now say how I feel. I also don’t show that I’m also an hopeless romantic that cries even when watching reality tv shows and believes in fairy tales (Only a few people that know me would know this).
- I don’t handle praises and complements well. When i’m being praised by a colleague or my boss for a job well done or if I’m looking so good at work, rather than accept it I begin to think about what others are saying or thinking especially if the praise is from my boss that is a man, I will be so scared that people would think he’s praising me because he’s sleeping with me or dating me. I’ve just realized that you deserve all the good things and don’t let anyone take away your happiness
I’m so happy to share my insecurities with you because it would help me work on being better and confident and would also show you that I’m not perfect. I have also grown so much and as each day is passing by I’m learning to become a better person.
Do you have any similar insecurities with mine? What steps are you taking to overcome them? Please share in the comment section because I love to hear from you.
Have an amazing week!